Okay. So, I have a little issue that is bugging me. It might a difference in parenting styles, but I am starting to think it's just being rude.
Let me give this issue a little background. When I was little, I was NOT allowed in someone else's home unless I had my mom's permission AND their parent's permission. I can remember lots of times I waited outside until they came back out to let me know it was okay. I also know that I was about 9 or 10 before this even took place. There is no way my parents would have a let my 5 year-old-self saunter over to play at a neighbor's house unsupervised.
Here's my problem. Every single time our neighbor comes home from work, her 5 y.o. daughter gets out of the car and runs over here. We try to stay in the backyard and out of sight, but she comes running right over anyway. I think we are the unofficial after-daycare center. Her words are, "My Mom said I could come over and play!" Usually, this happens right before we need to go inside for dinner. Or, it happens on a Sunday, right before we need to go get cleaned up for evening church.
The things that bother me about this are:
*I think her mother needs to ask if it's even a good time for us right now. She shouldn't assume that it's okay just because we're outside.
*The little girl is nice enough, but she does not want XMan including Little Man in their games. (Which means a sad Little Man is moping around Mommy because now brother won't play with him.)
*She is very sassy, not only towards XMan, but to me as well, which I won't tolerate from my kids, much less someone else's.
*She comes over and immediately asks me for a snack???
I know some of my friends have had this issue, simply because they are stay-at-home-moms. That doesn't mean we run a neighborhood daycare! I am staying home to take care of MY children. Not everyone else's! Am I just being crazy, or is it a bit rude?
About Me
- MamaJ
- SINNER. Saved by GRACE. Living out life as a Mom, Wife, Daughter, Sister, and Friend. I love Jesus, my husband, my children, books, homeschooling and large quantities of coffee.
5 comments:
I think you are not crazy to take issue with this. Seems like there are a few issues here: 1 - You are crazy if you don't try to communicate some of this to your neighbor. She might be holding her breath, surprised that you seem so "ok" with it, but letting it happen because she assumes it's not a problem. Or not, but you never know until you say something ("Sally is such a nice girl and we enjoy having her visit, but maybe we need to establish a protocol or schedule, because not every day is workable for us."). <-- wow, that's a lot of punctuation. 2 - I would explain, very kindly, to the girl that playing in your home requires everyone being welcome in the play. Otherwise she can't come visit. 3 - XMan might need a similar conversation (although, with his bro's tendency to pee in the tub and more, I sympathize!), giving him some 'pride' in being a 'good brother' and all. 4 - If she sasses YOU, I would warn her carefully once, and at the second time send her home. Or first; your choice. :) It's likely her friends do this, maybe her mom doesn't even bat an eye when she does it at home, and she is totally ignorant that it is inappropriate to do that. You would do her a favor by establishing a standard at least in your home.
Ok, parenting advice over! I really am no expert, and it's fine if you take NONE of my advice; it's just what I think, I guess! Good luck!
I agree...it is IMPOLITE! I agree with everything Ellajac said! :)
I have this same problem, however, I finally realized why this happens. Maybe this little girl sees something in your family life that she does not have in her own life. Maybe she is curious and feels loved and accepted when she is over. This could be a test from God, He may be wanting you to lovingly witness to her 1 by setting standards to which she must adhere to when she is over and 2 to teach her about a loving and mercful God. Children are not stupid and are only reflections of what they are being taught at home and by their surroundings. And it would be a shame to just get mad at the little girl and send her away not caring about her soul. There are ways to witness to this little girl and i pray you ask God to direct you.
Ellajac, thanks for your comments. I think I will talk to her mom the next time she comes over and set up some boundaries for us. I also talked with Xman already about how he needs to look out for his brother and not leave him out of the fun.
Anonymous, thanks for posting a comment. We also feel like we can be good witnessews to this little girl. We've invited her to church several times(no luck yet). We do hope we have the kind of environment that draws people to us. I reread my post, and I don't think I conveyed anything that would make someone think I was "mad at the little girl and sent her away not caring about her soul." I do still feel that my family could some structure and boundaries in this area, however. Thanks for commenting!
Jana, we've had this problem for years, and I look at both sides. First, if they are being rude or not behaving as you wish in your home, take that opportunity to teach. If they are downright defiant (I've been dealing with one like that for about 8 months...) then send them home. That kind of behavior is easily picked up by your own!
On the other hand, as long as I see that they are getting along, a limited time is good for both the little girl and your boys. If you just need a break, or don't feel like playing hostess, there's nothing wrong with saying, "the boys can't play right now." If she asks "why?" as they often do, just say it again...no explanation needed. As far as the snack- 2 options there. Keep cheap snacks and look at it as hospitality OR just let her know she needs to eat before she comes to play. If it's close to a meal, I tell our young guests this. If I won't give mine a snack right now, the guest doesn't need to eat either. I've had to tell a pushy young man he needs to go home and eat his snack in a circumstance like that!
And you're spot on that it is rude. Common courtesy is becoming a long lost art we are NOT teaching our children.
Kim (Heather's sister)
Post a Comment