Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Well, to begin with, the child who only eats bread did NOT go on a licking spree the other night. He was NOT playing with some random kid at the mall playground. This random child did not say "grab my foot," which Little Man interpreted as "LICK my foot!" He did NOT then proceed to LICK said child's foot and then they giggled their little hineys off. I DID not almost fall over and have a stroke at that moment! On our way out of the mall, he also did NOT continue the licking spree and try it out on not one, but TWO cell phone displays. It did NOT leave a streak of slobber on the glass that made me screw my face up in the most disgusted way possible and exclaim, "EWWWW!!!"

Oh, and did I mention that he does NOT only eat bread? Whole wheat bread, but bread nonetheless. It does NOT happen at every single meal, and I am NOT having a hard time getting him to eat anything else. He also does NOT wake up screaming for a drink and then continue to try and get refills literally all day long. (and, yes, we have already tried checking him for diabetes, but we think it's just being picky about food now.)

This same child was NOT being corrected by Hubby who asked, rhetorically, "Can you stop talking for a minute?!" Little Man did NOT honestly reply, "Uh-uh!" It did NOT prompt everyone in the room to stop and look at him and his audacity. I bet you can guess what else didn't happen after that.

I did NOT buy a new cell phone that is better than Hubby's for $50 less and then gloat about it. I did also NOT go on and on about impulse buying habits, I am WAY more tactful and respectful than that. Especially because I did NOT impulsively buy a dog for sentimental reasons and I am NOT regretting it now!

This dog does NOT cause me to constantly drop what I am doing and go hunt her down around the neighborhood. I did NOT spend $300 sending her to a trainer who did, in fact, train her how to "sit, stay and occasionally come," but that's it. I did NOT have to get off the phone with a friend and go load up in the car to track her down last week. I did NOT have to carry the baby in her carseat while traipsing through the neighbor's yard to go capture this well-behaved dog. I did NOT finally get the book about the breed and see that it says quite plainly, "Great Pyrs do not like to stay in their yards, they tend to wander off." Ha. Hahaha.

I also did NOT nearly whack my ankle off nick my leg while shaving the other night. I haven't done that in a few days since 11th grade! It did not bleed profusely for over an HOUR, causing me to use up all the Shrek band-aids in the house. I did NOT then have to go find some gauze and medical tape to create another bandage b/c the Shrek wasn't working anymore. All of this did NOT come about b/c the kids went to bed early and I thought, "Hmmm, some alone time with Hubby...let me jump in the shower real quick..." I did NOT finally get the bleeding to stop and walk into the living room to find Hubby fast asleep and snoring on the couch. Sigh.... There are so many others that I will leave unwritten.

So, what didn't happen to you last week??