Thoughts...

A friend of mine and I have been praying earnestly for a precious little baby named Jacob. He had Hypo-plastic Left Heart Syndrome, the same congenital heart defect my son Elijah had. He even shared the same surgeon and the same hospital, and I admit, it was all a bit overwhelming as I followed his story.

Baby Jake went home to be with Jesus yesterday. Please say a prayer for the Warfield family as they mourn the loss of their little boy. It's made me remember a lot of what we dealt with back then.

When we were dealing with Elijah's illness and surgeries 4 years ago, we had a lot of friends who were in "Word of Faith" based churches. You know, the Joel Osteen types of churches. Where it's all fluff and about praying for health, wealth and happiness. Not that those things are bad in and of themselves, but that's not what Christianity is all about. It's about becoming Christlike, and sometimes that means we must suffer. If my suffering brings me closer to him, then "Jesus bring the rain," to quote Mercy Me.

As E's condition grew worse, we actually had one of those friends ask us, "Well...are you praying in FAITH?" Hubby had to hold me back when I heard that one! How dare someone ask me if I was praying IN FAITH, insinuating that we were causing our baby's illness by lack of faith?!

Now, I look back on that and think, how sad. How sad that they thought God's mercy and grace depended on just our prayers. Should we pray believing God can do miracles and that He can heal physical disease and suffering? Absolutely. Should we be shocked if He chooses not to? Sometimes His plans don't include healing, at least on this frail earth. Sometimes His plans include so much more. Elijah's death was the glue that held our marriage together. It has made me a better mother, a better Christian, a better person. His life and death has been a blessing to our family in ways that I can't even explain. That's right, I said a blessing. Are you shocked? It's only after 4 years of walking through this experience with God, that I could actually say, "Thank you Lord. Thank you for showing me more of your Son, through the death of mine."

The whole process of praying for, and now grieving this family's loss brought up an old topic for Hubby and me. When we went through our loss of Elijah, our friend/pastor's wife Cindy bought a kit from Caleb Ministries that was very special to me. It had a Bible study about losing a child, a book called, "Morning Will Come," and some other very sweet things for grieving parents. It was so much better than the bland little items the hospital gave us. We briefly talked about it back then, but I was very surprised yesterday when Hubby said, "I think you need to go ahead and become a representative for them." I looked at him surprised because I hadn't thought about it in a few years.

But, yesterday I emailed Sandy, the woman who started Caleb Ministries, after experiencing the loss of her own son. I am going to order their resources and hopefully I can use this to share something with other parents who go through the loss of a child.


Here are the lyrics to "Bring the Rain." I think they're awesome.

I can count a million times
People asking me how I Can praise You
with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you,
oh Lord My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of
the clouds that may loom above
because you are much greater than my pain
you who made a way for me
suffering your destiny
so tell me whats a little rain